I feel like a piece of me dies everyday. Someone out there is testing me...how much can i take before i break?
Lately I've been feeling awful low
Life is so unfair and cruel to me sometimes. Will I ever be able to be happy?
I need a good job.
I have an eval with a physical therapist tomorrow for the job at 9. I'm so nervous/excited/anxious I can't even think about sleep right now. For three years I've been looking into physical therapy and this would be the biggest foot in the door job I can get. Number one physical therapy practice. Mehhhh! I would give anything to work here. I will cry my eyes out of happiness after all the stress the past month and a half has been. I'm hoping october brings good things my way after an ultra shitty august and september.
I just want to get a coffee and take a long walk on the boardwalk. Ugh.
Just keep a smile on my face..just keep a smile on my face..just keep a smile on my face.. just..keep..a..smile.. ugh.
I've been having different thoughts lately. Maybe its from seeing people dying alone or watching an elderly persons husband/ wife worry about them. I don't want to be that person dying alone or where no one knows I'm sick and in need of help for days. I used to think I never wanted marriage or kids because I don't want to be someone elses dissapointment like how my mother is to me. I used to act crazy how she did but everyday I'm moving farther away from everything that she is. She instilled in me that I need a man. Truth is that I don't need tyler. I see him as this wonderful blessing in my life that has changed who I am. I was a broken girl and now I'm not because of him. Its nice to have someone to take care of you but I want to give back in return. I never saw the purpose in marriage because it was so easily broken with my parents...and everyone else I know for that matter. Its not like we will love each other more or be less inclined to be unfaithful. Yet, I found myself looking at ty the other night while he was sleeping ( creeper status yes) and thinking to myself how much I would love to be married to him.
I'm so sad.