(no subject)

I am in a stage in life where i need to stand strong for myself. I have been thinking alot about moving to my dads in east brunswick...but i think i would be just as unhappy there as i am here...minus the fact i wont have to see shane anymore. I wouldnt be able to move until i have the car running right and then i am thinking maybe things will be better if i have a car then i wont have to deal with shanes bullshit anymore and just never be home.

Im at an interesting point with ty. We, in reality, can only really see each other one full day a week. It sucks...but to my surprise he is being really good about all of it. Im getting the first stages of a relationship a little late..just for the fact that now we actually have time to miss each other. I now get the i miss you texts and kisses and cuddle time that i never really was getting before. In a way...it seems like it could be good for us..but at the same time i havent been able to sleep at all and i forgot how much it was possible for one person to cry. Im not used to this crying shit anymore..and its all i seem to do now. It feels weird going to sleep without him and i wake up a few times every night to reach for him and hes not there. Then what really gets me is i walk in and see shane cuddling with amanda on the couch...which they never did before. Its like a big "HAHA" in my face from him because he knows how upset i am. He basically makes me miserable ruined my relationship and is now fucking with mine and amandas friendship. I'm at the point where i dont know what to do. at all. Shit is going to blow up eventually. Im just waiting for it.