i have been awake since 630 getting ariana ready for school and shit reading over this journal. It made me feel much better to realize all the bullshit i have gone through all these years..and i made it. Something always happened that was even better then the last. Even though i think god has a sick way of teaching me things i need to make the best out of the situation im in an not sit and live off what used to be. Every 24 hours is a new day i just need to take it one day at a time. I have had some good times and some really horrible times. I remember the good and learned from the horrible. I am turning into a wonderful girl..i may have some problems going on but who doesnt? I felt like such a loser moving home but so many people live at home because it is just to expensive..i for one know that.

I am trying to feel extremely lucky. I had another option besides moving out and living on the street. I have awesome friends who all texted me last night saying they missed me already. I have Amanda who is always there for me and i can talk to her about everything and anything and she is the one person who always understands me. She saw me at my worst of times and never ONCE made a judging remark. She is the most understanding person i have ever met. She prob knows me more then anyone in the past 3 years then the ones i have known my whole life. I am going to miss having her around everynight to talk to and do silly things with. As i called for it shane tried to tell her not to be my friend. I know amanda and i have seen her intereact with shane. Usually she just brushes him off and or does what he says. She put up a fight about it and basically told him to fuck off. Her friendship means everything to me.
I have an amazing boyfriend. We went through some hard times with walls up between us from past relationships. Past couple months have been amazing. He made me 21st birthday the most special day. The past week i have been so upset about everything and he has been there..when in the past he wasnt. Dont get me wrong..we both still have walls up. Him more then i do but it always seems to be that way. Men always think about the future of what will make them happy when i go with what makes me happy now. I dont blame him though. I know the pain he went through with being toyed with. I dont know if it makes him smart to have built the walls or a complete dumbass. Maybe because i know myself. I know i wouldnt hurt him. I have no interest in anyone but him. In my eyes we are completely perfect. I told him i knew it from the start..he said i used to be too crazy for him with all the drinking and crazy shit i would do..but that was not me.. that was some girl i never met before. I am ashamed of what i have done but the past is the past. He has accepted all those flaws and saw me at the worst of times and still stayed around.

Pretty much what i need to figure out with all this time alone is what i want to do. What my next stages of life are. I would love to move to Cali but who knows in reality how long it will be before it actually happens. I just know i am bound to be there someday.