crashthiswave (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} crashthiswave) wrote,@ 2009-06-21 22:21:00 |
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The four month curse is coming.
I have decided im joining a gym. I need to occupy myself with things other then all this bullshit and sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I work and do nothing and i cant stand myself. I take xanax just so i can tolerate sitting at home with shanes constant bitching about everything and bothering me every chance he gets because he has nothing else to do. I'm so happy im going back to school in the fall which will take even more of my time. I realized that i really dont have many friends or maybe i never really did and that was always ok. Not now when i need someone to talk too. Last summer i was out every night having so much fun and now im this fucking grandmother that doesnt do anything. I hate it.
I feel like sometimes im being taken for granted with ty. Hes only around when there is nothing else to do. But i also know that where he hangs out makes me him happy and hanging out at the apartment drives him crazy the less he is here the longer he will stay living here. I'm thinking when i get my car back things will pick up with us. I had a dream that made me wake up histerical. I had a dream he was cheating on me and i walked in on him and some girl and when i freaked out he didnt care at all. He just kept saying "look at her ass...would you pass that up?" I ended up murdering the girl needless to say. Maybe im just being crazy lately..i am due for my period. When hes home everything is perfect with us now..no fighting and he actually cuddles and tells me about his entire day. Weve made so much progress that i dont think in reality its really ending...im just going crazy. Plus, i know him better then to ever cheat on me becuase as much as he acts like a hardass hes cares about hurting me. In all honesty i think this is the best relationship i could ever ask for. Plus, He got someone to fix my car tomorrow or tuesday then im all set...for real this time.
Starting Tuesday i plan to be a new me...im going on a diet going to the gym working and going to school in the fall.
Thats my plan.
I have decided im joining a gym. I need to occupy myself with things other then all this bullshit and sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I work and do nothing and i cant stand myself. I take xanax just so i can tolerate sitting at home with shanes constant bitching about everything and bothering me every chance he gets because he has nothing else to do. I'm so happy im going back to school in the fall which will take even more of my time. I realized that i really dont have many friends or maybe i never really did and that was always ok. Not now when i need someone to talk too. Last summer i was out every night having so much fun and now im this fucking grandmother that doesnt do anything. I hate it.
I feel like sometimes im being taken for granted with ty. Hes only around when there is nothing else to do. But i also know that where he hangs out makes me him happy and hanging out at the apartment drives him crazy the less he is here the longer he will stay living here. I'm thinking when i get my car back things will pick up with us. I had a dream that made me wake up histerical. I had a dream he was cheating on me and i walked in on him and some girl and when i freaked out he didnt care at all. He just kept saying "look at her ass...would you pass that up?" I ended up murdering the girl needless to say. Maybe im just being crazy lately..i am due for my period. When hes home everything is perfect with us now..no fighting and he actually cuddles and tells me about his entire day. Weve made so much progress that i dont think in reality its really ending...im just going crazy. Plus, i know him better then to ever cheat on me becuase as much as he acts like a hardass hes cares about hurting me. In all honesty i think this is the best relationship i could ever ask for. Plus, He got someone to fix my car tomorrow or tuesday then im all set...for real this time.
Starting Tuesday i plan to be a new me...im going on a diet going to the gym working and going to school in the fall.
Thats my plan.
