So within the next few weeks i should be moving to belmar or in the surrounding area..not sure which house yet. My dad's girl has been going insane the past few months and he cant take it anymore. She makes my dad unhappy and drives me up a wall. I am really happy its going to be me and the papa d again. I cant wait to cook dinner everynight and good food shopping for myself and not eat weird ass food. With this i have decided i should go to school but i have to go about which county i am even going to have to go in and find out how to get financial aid. I know pretty much exactly what i want to do now..its just a matter of me getting off my ass and getting back to school. I also have to decided job-wise now what i want to do. I make great money in old bridge but i cant stand it really. Cokeheads and all that shit is not what i want to be dealing with. Other then that everything is going just right. Its like someone flipped a switch where everything was so shitty..and now everything seems to be going right. I am seriously loving it.

I caught the death cold finally. I should have known it was coming when amanda gordva ty and billy all got it. Fuck. I feel like death and i have work.

My new phone comes tomorrow. Finally after two years of this shit phone i get a new one =)

I miss being down south so much even though the people at my friendlys now is starting to really grow on me. But still..when its time to go home i have nothing to do..because as usual i dont go out with them because i cant trust the guys who are going. It isnt even them..its me. I am always too careful about this shit now.

Hah here i go thinking to myself again. Its more stress then its worth. I wont let myself stoop to the old ways.

I cant compare you and him..it just isnt fair..
But at the same time..you cant compare me and her..it just isnt fair..

After 2 years some of my debt is being payed off finally. Some weight is lifted off..now i just need to call and work on the fucking repoed car. I should be making payments for that shit for the rest of my god damn life. Fuck.

Its so hard to save up for shit when im still trying to pay my past off. When the hell did this all become so out of control?
I was so god damn young when i was forced to move out that i had to learn to be alone so quick and work for EVERYTHING that i had.
This is all so stressful and sad to think about and it makes me cry everytime.

I wish i was not in the position i am in right now being 21 and NOW having the luxury of living home. Only to fix the problems that were created by me being alone. But at least i have a chance to fix it all i guess.

I wish that home was closer to where i consider my home...i really dont even know what a home is. To me..being here is not home. I cant fucking STAND being here.

Yesterday proved to me that you are everything i could ask for.

i figured out what i want to do..
it is just 6 years of school...
and i honestly dont think i am ready for that.

i hate thisss. I'm on a soup diet now cuz i popped my damn jaw out of place. Ty took care of me all day cuz i can hardly eat drink sleep or talk. I saw paranomal activity with ty gortva bill ryan and amanda yesterday after getting my asshole handed to me at work. Everytime i work i walk out with 70-100 for only working 5-6 hours. But as much as i love the money and i cant imagine what i would make summer time there...i want a full time job with benifits so..i may be getting a job working for an ambulance company but its all the way back in lakewood go figure. I dont mind commuting to work..i just need a new car first.

i learn more and more everyday about what i got myself into.

Trusting was never easy for me.. now i understand why i didnt at first.

At least i know we are for real now.

Its weird meeting new people. But i have met some pretty awesome people that i work with over here. I went pumpkin picking on wed with ty his sister manda and ryan. =) I love them. I'm so excited cuz halloween party #1 is at Jamies houseeeee and is coming up soon!